Cleaning
CLEANING
C Mom cleaned my room for me as a child
T Parents are supposed to teach their children how to do uncomfortable things in life. If she wouldâve made me do it myself, or taught me how, then it wouldnât be so hard for me to do it as an adult.
F Resentful
A Procrastinate, wait for someone to come along and save me, blame the way my mother dealt with cleaning, look for new systems to make cleaning easier, tell myself itâs too hard, go into overwhelm by focusing on how big the task is instead of the manageable pieces, make a plan on what needs to be cleaned but donât execute the plan, revert to child-like behavior such as whining, complaining, asking my husband to help me, shame spiral that Iâm a terrible wife because I canât keep a clean house, speak LH about my mother to my husband
R I spend more time in a place of discomfort by avoiding cleaning
C Cleaning
T This too much for me to manage.
F Uncomfortable
A Avoid cleaning, procrastinate, scroll pinterest for cleaning calendars/schedules, watch Netflix, text friends in search of empathy/âme tooâ sentiments, get whiny especially with my husband, more easily annoyed esp if he tries to make recommendations, when he does clean up get annoyed that itâs so easy and quick for him but takes me âso much longerâ, do ânumbingâ activities instead of âfeel goodâ activities, spend my evenings feeling sorry for myself, wonder why we need so much âstuffâ and such a big house, fantasize about purging all the stuff from the house, watch YouTube videos about minimalism, get frustrated that my husband isnât a minimalist
R cleaning doesnât get done and I donât âmanageâ.
So the more that I think about this, the more I realize how complicated my relationship with cleaning is. Another part of this that feels like Iâm stuck is that, intellectually, I know that I enjoy and appreciate a clean house. I feel better about myself and more mesudar in my thoughts and actions. But for some reason I cannot get over the temporary discomfort to get to the other side. This has gotten worse after getting married. For one, I (and my husband) have manuals that the wife should be the one to clean the house. My MIL was a SAHM and I feel like my husband has the expectation that I do just as much as she did, except I have a full time job. Not only that, my husband loves STUFF. To me itâs just clutter and it makes it so much harder for me to clean because thereâs stuff everywhere and I donât know where itâs supposed to go. I think this definitely plays into the uncomfortable model above, but in many ways feels like itâs own separate topic.
C: Cleaning
T: This isnât fair. He expects me to be able to do this, perfectly, by myself even though heâs way better at this than I am.
F: Indignant
A: Refuse to do dishes, let them sit there until he says something, respond with anger, get annoyed when he helps me, get jealous that itâs so easy and enjoyable for him to clean, unwilling to talk about cleanliness of the house and âdivision of laborâ, get resentful that he works such long hours leaving me with all the housework
R: I treat him unfairly
C: Stuff
T: There is so much stuff in this house, itâs impossible to keep clean. Itâs just clutter
F: Out of control
A: Get angry and annoyed at my husband that he has so much stuff, want to throw out the stuff, make comments about the stuff, get overwhelmed just looking at the stuff, tell him he needs to get rid of things, build resentment towards my in-laws that they taught him to be this way, try to carve out my own space free from his stuff, hide in those spots away from the stuff
R: Donât control my feelings and responses
Accordion Two
Body Content 2
